Happy to say the nightmares have gone away. Maybe I just had some repressed anger I needed to express. LOL On the flip side, I’m out of that lovely Cranberries and Creme coffee and might just have to venture out in the crappy weather to go get some more. Yes, I’m that much of a coffee freak.
Something I noticed about my blog yesterday was that I seemed to enjoy posting on Wednesdays. I never set out to do that on purpose, so it was funny to witness.
I stewed about something on the way home from school tonight. Of course, listening to the NIN bootleg CD “Rusty Nails” didn’t help things, but still. Part of the reason I am able to speak my mind and own my feelings is because I’ve done my time. I went through the intensive therapy, at quite a young age…as fucked up people go. I’ve done the homework. I’ve melted into my bedroom floor in the fetal position wanting the pain to go away, while realizing that the only way out is through. I understand that other people have issues and hangups. But why, oh why, do they try to pawn them off as my shit. I have enough of my own shit to deal with, let alone someone else’s. I know I must have done this in the past. And, I think that’s what’s bothering me the most. To think that I gave someone else so much of my own power, sickens me. A quote comes to mind…No one can do anything to you that you don’t allow them to. This whole situation I am in though, reminds me of countertransference. My reaction is there, ready to jump in and fuck things up. This is my big lesson for the past 2 months….staring me in the face, yet again.
WHY THE HELL WON’T THAT TAI CHI INSTRUCTOR CALL ME BACK???
I finally got the revised website up after figuring out that I had loaded the darn thing 3 full times and was out of storage space on my server. This also prompted me to change the look of the blog. I didn’t use the one I had intended, because I found this one and I really, really like it. So, there you go.
In different news, I managed to piss someone off again. A trend? Oh yes! But, I have to put it into perspective. At the very least, I challenge these people to look at their own lives. Occasionally, one of the special ones becomes a true friend. I don’t think it will happen in this case, but you never know. It’s really up to them. I’m as authentic as I can be. The friends I do have are incredible people who love, support, encourage and respect me, and that’s all that matters.
I’m sitting here with my first cup of coffee of the morning. The baby is quiet, for now, and I am thinking of all that needs to be done in the next 24 hours. It’s a bit intimidating right now. I also have one class today. Apparently, this professor is not tenured and does not want to cancel class like all the other professors for fear of reprisal from the powers that be. Yeah, whatever. I might have to make a huge carafe of Mexican Coffee and bring that in to make the time more appreciable by the attendees. Hell, I might have to make a huge carafe of coffee just to get through the damned day.
NOTE: I found a new blogskin that I love and will be working to use that soon. The design even allows me to add content that is located on the family site I design, so that I can eliminate a page of mine. I’m all about downsizing lately.
Illness subsiding…gaining strength…catching up with school…be back soon!
Here’s a sign I was forced to look at in the doctor’s office today:
“If you lead a good life, go to Sunday school and church, say your prayers every night, when you die, you’ll go to Kentucky.”
Hmmm….so many comments, so little time.
Do not enter
Idle and swimming
No way around
Help? I don’t think so
On my own
Let me be
Sick, Sick, Sick
Aches and dizziness
More studies in genetics.
It seems like forever since I watched the Late Show with David Letterman, but since he has been in the press with his new baby, I thought I’d give the show a look see again last night. What a fan-friggin-tastic night to watch the show. Howard Stern was one of the guests and was funny as hell! He really put Dave on the spot a couple of times and the interaction was priceless. Then, they did this ongoing skit called something like, “Get To Know the Governor” which is a series of old tapes of Arnold Schwarzenegger. They showed a tape of him watching a dancer at a girlie show and he formed his fingers like binoculars and put them up to his eyes. I thought I was going to pee my pants. Damn funny stuff! The musical guest was Iggy Pop. I swear to God, he must be part of the vampire cult that all of Aerosmith belongs to, because it’s hard to believe with that sagging skin and track marks of the past, this guy is still performing. I didn’t particularly like the song he performed. I think he has much more in him, but is bowing to the younger generation. So, my advice to him is this: “Have some pride man. You might want to look at your pal David Bowie for a little inspiration!”
When I was a teenager, I thought that I was a mature individual. I pondered things that no one else my age seemed to ponder. I read books that no one else my age read. I made friends more easily with those who were older than me. But, despite the fact that I had some huge mental growth spurts from life experiences that most other people my age had not experienced, I was still wet behind the ears. I realize this now because I have had the pleasure, or rather displeasure, of dealing with some young people recently. I find that the way they respond to the world is largely defensive and rebellious. I look back and reflect upon that exact behavior. But it’s not only the relationships with younger people that makes me aware of the differences between age and maturity. It’s actually my interactions with those who are my own age. People around my age, or older, are more accepting of a difference of opinion and more apt to agree to disagree when it comes to conflicts. Generally speaking, that is.