Difficult Life Decisions

It’s been an interesting few weeks. I don’t know how to put all of my emotions down here without going into elaborate detail, but you are welcomed to ask me any questions about what I’m about to share.

Being a mom: I used to have very professional goals for myself. I still had them after having Ari and worked my ass off to finally graduate undergrad after 15+ years. I had them after Joshie too and felt really good to be going to grad school. And then one day I was coloring with the boys and began to cry. I wanted more of that. I felt, and do feel right now, incredibly distracted with my life as a student. I’m burnt out and I have changed to the extent that I just want to be a mom for a while. That alone spreads me pretty think because a lot of daily stuff falls to me. But at least that would be my only “job.” So, we’re going to try it. I have put in a leave of absence for grad school which is extended to me for a whole year. If the mommy thing is not working out, I can always go back.  Read more

39

That’s how old I am today. In honor of my birthday, I am going to give you some updates about what’s going on with me.

We’re heading to Atlanta tomorrow and then on to Florida after that. We are spending “birthday week” there. We will spend 3 whole days at Disney, one of which will be Ari’s 5th birthday. It should be tons of fun.

The weekend after we get back, I’m picking up this little girl… Read more

Weird Week & Potential Hiatus

If the trip to Hollywood to be in a movie wasn’t bizarre enough, our new puppy is scheduled on a flight from Brussels to Columbus, arriving Tuesday evening. In addition to this, over the time I was in Hollywood, I was contacted by someone to be on the board of a very prestigious organization. Though I declined, it blew me away for a short period of time.

There was a point over the last couple of days that surrealism was at its highest in my life, ever. During that period of time I began to realize how much I haven’t been doing. Near the top of the list, posting on this blog. Slightly higher than that is visiting people listed on this blog. I began to wonder about my near future: training a puppy, getting Ari into his new school, Joshie walking, studying for the LSAT, attending ZestFest, Weight Watchers, taking the LSAT and getting into law school (not to mention attending law school)…the list seems to be getting longer and longer each day. In short, I’m wondering whether it would be prudent to even keep this blog here. If I do, I might put it on a temporary hiatus with a definite period of time and revisit the decision at that time.

I know…you’re all going to tell me not to do it. But, I don’t think it’s fair. In order to make this site thrive, I really need to be visiting and commenting on the sites I have on my blogroll and I just don’t have it in me right now.

Yes, I could leave it to the other writers, but they seem to be getting busier too and I don’t want to overburden them by asking them to visit the sites I have listed, comment on them AND write regular posts.

I don’t know…I’m still thinking it over, but very inclined to just stop. I’ve had a really good run here and would be ending on a lower note than I’d like. But, my real life is mimicking art to the extent of being overextended.

Gone For A While

First, I’m a bit disappointed that our fundraiser isn’t going better. Perhaps it was the late preparation. Perhaps the few people who don’t like us are putting out Karma vibes. Perhaps I was just expecting more from the nearly 500 email addresses to which the announcement went. Either way, I’m bummed.

Second, with Ari’s arm broken and mom’s arm broken I feel like the house maid. I mean, not only is mom NOT able to help, she also requires extra help. Help for which I lack capacity, to be honest. And, when I express that, she approaches me like a bad daughter and mother…as if I should take after her door mat tendencies and put myself last in my life. Yeah, selfish me wanting to have a hot shower every 3 days.

Third, I am at least 2 weeks behind at school. I’m guessing the professor support will begin to wane as I ask for more, so I’m busting my ass until 2:30 am trying to catch up then getting up early to take care of everyone and everything around here.

So, I’m going to stop writing here for a little bit. I’m guessing I’ll be back after the quarter ends.

Oh, I have been having a bit of fun over at the Boerboel Blog. In my few spare moments per day I’ve been enjoying the glory of that site seeing more hits in its first couple of weeks than I have here in 2 years. Plus, I get to brag about the birth of our new puppy there.

I’ll be around. I do think of you all. I know that bloggers are usually the type to snub the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” anecdote, but I do still hang around even if I don’t comment or post.

Winter & Angels

Angels are beautiful things. I did my best in school this past quarter. I had a lot of things conspiring against me and I perservered. There is no doubt that I could have done better in the absence of those things. I had to work with the hand dealt to me. Apparently, I had teachers who understood that. I have had understanding professors in the past, but I have to say that those I had this past quarter can only be described as angels who saw in me what is truly there, but perhaps not completely realized. My GPA for the quarter was 3.76. I literally cried when I saw that. I would kiss every one of them if they were in front of me.

It’s looking very white outside right now. We have a winter storm warning in effect for this afternoon. There’s no way to tell right now how much we’ll get or if I’ll be able to take Ari to school, but the radar doesn’t look terribly promising. I may be online a whole bunch today. Strike that. I may be bundling Ari up in his snow suit and boots to go have some fun.

The Blues

The following is the Blues Ethnography I wrote for my World Music course. I told the band I would post something a little less formal, but I really like the way the ethnography came out, so I’m posting it as is. If you get a chance to see these guys, you won’t be sorry.

Read more

Internet or internet?

I got my last PoliSci paper back with a horrendous grade, for me (88%). I looked through my paper and began thinking that this guy has some sort of power trip going on. Napolean complex, perhaps. I’m not used to having my papers shredded apart by someone who clearly doesn’t understand writing as well as he should for his level of education. I felt the paper was well organized and he thought it needed more organization. I’m definitely okay with getting some feedback for my papers even if it is constructive criticism. What I am not okay is him scratching out something I know to be fact in the writing world. Here is the sentence in question:

This is especially true for the masses in our current time because of a wide variety of social classes having access to information via modern media outlets such as cable television and the Internet.

What did he find wrong with that sentence? The capitalization of Internet.

So, I said to him after I looked through the paper, “Internet is written with a capital I.”

He said, “No, it’s not.”

I said, “It’s a proper noun.”

He said, “Even so, in most circles it is uncapitalized.”

I said, “Uh…okay.”

I really was trying NOT to be condescending, but it just wasn’t working in my tone. All I could think at that point is that he must have limited access to insufficient social circles and that I now had a better understanding of why he wasn’t married.

This is the person who is grading my papers, folks. I should wear a sign that says, “HELP ME.” I really wanted to lay into him, but realized that was futile and that I was probably hurting my chances of getting better grades if I pursued my line of reasoning. However, if that word is to be used again in a paper, I will capitalize it, as that is the way it should be written. What’s next?…telling me potato should be spelled, “potatoe.” UGH!

This class is really pissing me off. Sure, we didn’t have to buy a book, but he doesn’t give us clear objectives before reading the articles he has assigned and there is no one place that we have to access pertinent information as a reference. Honestly, if you’re not in class, you’re fucked. Even if you’re in class, the point to each class often takes the whole class to get and then you’re kicking yourself in the ass for not having written EVERYTHING down in your notes.

I sit next to a PoliSci major. In her words, “This class makes me feel dumb. I’m one year from graduation and this class makes me feel like I’ve wasted my time. I don’t need this and I could have taken something else I liked instead of this class.”

This class is literally painful to attend and thankfully it will be over in just a few weeks.