Time For An Update

I am addicted to Facebook right now. It’s been amazing how many people I’ve been able to connect with there. And, I can interact with them. I’ve had the best time playing Scrabulous (Facebook’s version of Scrabble) with my friend Mike in KY. I play with other people who I talk to more regularly, which is wonderful too, but it’s really given Mike and I a chance to reconnect on some level other than email. It’s also a way to connect in a social way with friends overseas. I’ve also filled out my wish list with a bunch of things I want, but will never get. You should definitely check THAT out! Hey, they don’t call it a wish list for nothing.

I am set (providing I pass all my classes) to graduate exactly 2 weeks from today. A quest of over 15 years will be complete. And, just because I’m a glutton for punishment, I am beginning grad school in January. I’m already registered. It’s hard to believe that this is really happening. Making a decision on the program, as a last minute change from law to psychology (again), was not an easy thing to do. Honestly, I would have never taken the LSAT knowing that, ultimately, it would not be used. It was without a doubt the hardest standardized test I ever took. I did it while deathly ill, too. Anyway, so I chose Counseling and Advanced Applied Behavior Analysis. Since I would like to use this with adults, this will have to be a PhD track at some point. Here we go…another quest.

Joe is starting to get job offers already. REALLY NICE JOB OFFERS! One position offered several thousands ABOVE what most offers are. Of course, it’s a rural area. But, oh, the standard of living would be so nice. It’s still too early to take anything because he has a little over a year to go. But it’s nice seeing some real $$$ figures for all of the hard work over the last 8 years. Joe has been doing Medifast for a while now and is also losing weight. In fact, he’s losing it quicker than me. However, we’ve both been on Medifast before and both gained it back. I’m hoping, and I’m sure he does too, that doesn’t happen this time around.

While Ari will be ready to mainstream into kindergarten next year, we’re opting to keep him at the same school, mostly because it is full time and it gives him one more year to work on his social skills. Josh will attend next year as a typical peer as well.

M&Ms – Moxie needs boot camp, BAD! It’s been really hard training her since her previous owner obviously trained with food and we want her to work for us and not the food. Taking her on has shown us how good Marinda is, if nothing else. We really do love Moxie a whole bunch. She just needs more work. More than I think we have time for. So, we’re trying to save the money to send her away for a couple of weeks of training where she will get it every day for many hours. She’s also been a bit challenging in the housebreaking department. She is crate trained, but we don’t want her in the crate all the time, but we haven’t been able to trust her very much out by herself a lot. We’ve used our steam cleaner more than I want to admit. She’s still a pup, though, and it will take some time, especially because she is re-homed with us. Thankfully, the girls get along famously. We hope that continues far into the future.

The lapband is going well. I’m still around that 40# loss mark due to some bad eating habits creeping back in, but I’ve not really gained any, which is good. I’m beginning this 5 day test on Monday with a group of friends that is supposed to get you back on track. I’m hoping the scale starts moving again. It doesn’t help that because of my gallbladder surgery, I’ve had to reschedule my fill now 3 times. By the time I get one, I will past a month overdue for one. No fill = no restriction = no weight loss. So, you can see why I want one soon.

My best friend is getting ready to spend a whole month in Hawaii and I SOOOOO wish I could be there for at least a week, but it just didn’t work out. If it’s successful, she’ll likely do it again, so I’m pretty certain this won’t be my only chance. Still, Hawaii – best friend who I don’t see often – beaches – mountains/volcanoes – dancing into the night – massages by day – need I say more?

I’m trying to think if anything else has happened lately. Hmmm…if I think of something, I’ll add to this.

Night Terrors – Again

Remember the last time I mentioned night terrors? Well, they’ve returned with a vengeance.

Last week I was awakened by Joe in the middle of the night, moaning (in my dream I was screaming). The dream was a about a ghost that was tormenting me. The closest thing I can compare it to would be a live version of The Blair Witch Project. You can fight against something you can see, but not something you can’t. When I woke up I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. I literally thought I might be having a heart attack. My whole body was shaking (Joe remembers that, too). I had to go to the bathroom but was so paralyzed with fear that I couldn’t for a while. It still haunts me and this was last Wednesday night. So, why am I writing about this now? They’re not stopping.

Last night I had a dream that I was taking off my clothes. A man in a truck stopped and was watching me. I had quickly covered up and said I was not doing anything until he moved. He started getting out of his truck. I quickly ran to a room and tried to lock the door. He was pulling as I was pulling and I finally got it locked. However, the door was still open about 6 inches. It was a bedroom, oddly, and I hid behind the dresser hoping he would go away. When I looked around the dresser after a while he was peering through the door space just waiting for me. Trapped! Then I woke up. This is not the only dream like this that I’ve had since last week.

In all of my dreams I am hunted by something. No matter where I go or what I do, they find me. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling.

Time to bring this up in therapy, I think!

Masturbation

I’ve been watching a new show on HBO called, Tell Me You Love Me. In short, it’s a show about couples in relationship who have the common link of the same female therapist. Therefore, it’s not only about relationships but working relationships out in therapy.

In this show I have found one couple to be very interesting…Katie & David. They have been married forever, have wonderful kids, a nice house & generally a nice life. That is, they have everything but intimacy. Katie reveals in therapy that they haven’t had sex in a year, and only then it was because it was their anniversary. Somewhat expectedly, their anniversary comes and goes this year with no sex.

At one point in the last few episodes, the therapist recommends to Kate that she needs to find her sexuality. I don’t remember the therapist recommending masturbation, but she decides to try it out. She’s at home alone, locks the doors and looks around as if someone is watching. She lays down on the bed and gives touching a try. She appears frustrated and walks into the bathroom. Again, locking the door, she leans up against the sink and begins putting her hands down her pants. She’s starting to get into it more and I find myself thinking, “That’s awesome. This is just what she needs.” Then, she stops and walks away from it altogether.

I know that there are women like that out there, but I just don’t understand them. I don’t know if it’s that they never masturbated and don’t know how to explore their bodies and please themselves or if it’s that they’ve been without touch for so long that they simply feel that pleasure is something so elusive that they don’t even try. I felt myself wanting to say to her, “Kate…do this. Be the sexual being you know you want to be…can be. If for no other reason, do this to relieve some unnecessary stress you’ve put on yourself. Do this and you will want Dave more.”

I was thinking about this today and thought about my first masturbatory experience. I remember this like it was yesterday, when it was really 23 years ago (for those of you who know my age, you can do the math). I began touching myself around that time and kept thinking, “Why do women do this? I’m not getting anything out of this. Sure, it feels nice to have any kind of touch, but what is the big deal.” Then I had my first orgasm. My thoughts instantly turned to, “Whoa…I sooooo get this!” The point is, I didn’t understand the first several times I touched myself. So, in my thoughts today, I wondered if that is the same problem with Kate. I wonder if she just hasn’t experienced pleasure in a way that would make her understand how important it is to her alone, let alone her marriage.

Then I thought about something really odd. How many women out there actually masturbate? Do they do this on a regular basis? Do they no longer do it because they’re in relationship and feel that should be satisfied by coupling? Was I one of the few women out there who understand how good it is to know your body so well that you can explain it to other people?

Thoughts?

UPDATE: OMG…Mark found this great site that talks about women’s masturbation horror stories. It’s definitely worth a look.

My Prejudice

So, I had a firepit and firewood up on Freecycle and got a very nice message from a woman who had just moved to the city from the country and missed having a fire at night when it was cold. She was the first to respond so she got it. She sent her husband and who I assume was her son or a friend to get the wood. The older guy had asked about Boerboels because he saw my bumper sticker, so we introduced him to the girls. As we were putting the girls back in the house I see the younger guy…a tall, bald headed, tattooed, slightly angry looking guy. Maybe it’s because I’m Jewish and have a heightened sense of awareness or that I am older and remember when bald wasn’t a fashion statement, but rather a “political” statement, that my mind always goes to skinhead.

But it wasn’t that I was uncomfortable with the guy…I was more uncomfortable about my feelings about the guy without even knowing his history. It was a strange experience. As much as I’d like to say that I am open to every type of person, obviously I am not. I guess you could say I kind of draw the line at white supremacy. But I knew nothing about him. I had shunned him before knowing anything.

Thoughts?

39

That’s how old I am today. In honor of my birthday, I am going to give you some updates about what’s going on with me.

We’re heading to Atlanta tomorrow and then on to Florida after that. We are spending “birthday week” there. We will spend 3 whole days at Disney, one of which will be Ari’s 5th birthday. It should be tons of fun.

The weekend after we get back, I’m picking up this little girl… Read more

I have a HUGE character flaw

I trust that when I have been emailing with someone online for a while, talking with them on the phone and generally getting along to the extent that I would call them a friend that they will not freak out and in one instant judge me for trying to see the good in other people by calling me dumb and pitiful. In fact, she reacted to 3 whole sentences of which one part said the following, “and you trust people to be the best they can be, sometimes you get hurt.” I wrote that referring to someone else, but honestly, I should have been referring to myself.

So, one could say I trust too much…way too much. In fact, that’s kind of what she was saying to me…that I believed other people’s bullshit and that she lost respect for me because of that. Unfortunately, my flaw translated to her as well in that I will NOT keep someone as my friend who outwardly calls me dumb and pitiful. I mean, I may be dumb to think that people are telling me the truth when they might not be but I’m not that fucking dumb to sustain personal attacks.

I do have to give her credit, though. She didn’t beat around the bush and act passive aggressively until the friendship ended. As soon as she thought I was a shit, she expressed it and it ended, not to mention she brought that to me directly instead of swirling it around her friendship base for a while gaining ammunition. Friendships with much worse people have ended.

OT: This Kitty Needs Your Help

I’ve reached my maximum level of frustration in dealing with a cat rescue person. I work with dog rescues pretty regularly, so I know there’s a certain personality trait that seems to follow us. But I have never, ever dealt with someone like this. So, I’m going on my own to try to find our beloved kitty a new home with the access I have to the Internet.

The kitty in question is a ten year old male in exceptionally good health. He has recently been vetted with absolutely no health issues at all. In fact, the vet didn’t believe me that he was 10. At that time he was also micro chipped. He was neutered a long time ago. He is not declawed, but he has NEVER been an outdoor cat, nor could he be.

He looks a lot like a flame/red point mitted ragdoll, and fits their temperament as well, but I know for certain (since he was born to our next door neighbor’s cat in Texas) that he is mixed. He’s really beautiful though with his blonde hair and blue eyes which is why he was named, Redford.

Redford is not terribly fond of dogs since our first Boerboel wanted to kill him. Our new Boerboel, Marinda, loves him but he’s still not sure about her…with good reason. He tolerates our kids pretty well, but doesn’t like when they screech. He doesn’t attack them, however. He just goes to his kitty condo top floor until it’s safe to come down again.

Why are we looking to re-home him after being with us for 10 years? My older son (Ari, 4-years-old) had some allergy tests done because of a recent and serious reaction he had to cashews and was found to be equally as allergic to cats. He’s not around Redford all the time which is why he hasn’t reacted so much, but Ari has grown increasingly attached to Redford and wants to spend all his time with him. Sadly, we just can’t let that happen because it means being on more meds.

This is a very sad thing to have to do. Redford is an incredibly good kitty who is laid back and cuddly. He’s not high maintenance at all. He doesn’t like treats and only likes limited types of food. He loves attention and will hang around for the petting session(s) of the day with pleasure. He likes to talk to you and, oddly, will come when his name is called when he is in any part of the house.

Since he’s so special, I really do want him to go to a good home, so I’m hoping someone I know will want him. If it is local, he will come with his fully loaded kitty condo ($100+ right there). Same thing goes for if his new home is within driving distance. If he is going long distance, I am willing to pay for shipping. This really is ZERO dollars for a great cat with 10 or more years left on him.

If you can help with this at all, I would be most grateful!

Go to the extended entry to see pics of our baby. Read more

When Nothing Else Works

I’ve struggled with my weight all my life, ever since childhood. I don’t believe I have ever been a normal weight for an adult, and only briefly as a child. I’ve gotten close with several different diets. I’ve tried Medifast, Slimfast, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Master Cleanser Fasting, Fit for Life (food combining), Herbalife, and I’m sure there are more I can’t think of right now. Each time I’d have some success and then it would slowly start to pack back on and I’d end up heavier than I started. It’s the perpetual, and escalating yo-yo diet. However, a few months ago I saw a commercial that would change the direction I would take my health.

The commercial was for the LapBand. The commercial talked about pluses and minuses compared to other weight loss surgeries. I looked into it online and thought it over for a while. I then mentioned it to my internist who said that her patients have had great results with it. I attended a seminar and decided to move forward.

Here’s how the process looked… Read more