While I’m Waiting For The Pain To Subside

I’ll share something I just found out today. Paula Abdul is 100% Jewish. From Wikipedia:

Paula is a practicing Jew [15] and is proud of her Jewish heritage. She has said, “Not many people know, but both my parents are Jewish, I am very excited about telling you this.” Abdul is a Zionist and has said that it was her dream to visit Israel and said, “My father is a Syrian Jew whose family immigrated to Brazil. My mother is Canadian with Jewish roots. My dream is to come to Israel for a real holiday.” Abdul supports and loves Israel. Israeli Tourist Minister Isaac Herzog invited her to Israel during a Hanukkah festival, to which Abdul responded with a hug, adding, “I will come; you have helped make a dream come true.”.[2]

I had no idea. Any of you?

As for the pain, I just had my gallbladder removed on Friday. That alone wouldn’t be so bad, but I’m also constipated unlike I have ever been in my life (even AFTER using drugs to help) AND just got my period today. I am NOT a happy camper. Also, it’s a week day and I have to take and pick up the kids from school. For those who can’t keep up, this means NO PAIN PILLS until the end of the day. FUCK! I’m going to go try to take a nap now.

Hey, also, if any of you are on Facebook, let me know via email. I’m getting so into it. It’s the best of many worlds of online connection systems out there. Plus, I can play games online with my friends and share music. It’s uber cool.

Night Terrors – Again

Remember the last time I mentioned night terrors? Well, they’ve returned with a vengeance.

Last week I was awakened by Joe in the middle of the night, moaning (in my dream I was screaming). The dream was a about a ghost that was tormenting me. The closest thing I can compare it to would be a live version of The Blair Witch Project. You can fight against something you can see, but not something you can’t. When I woke up I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. I literally thought I might be having a heart attack. My whole body was shaking (Joe remembers that, too). I had to go to the bathroom but was so paralyzed with fear that I couldn’t for a while. It still haunts me and this was last Wednesday night. So, why am I writing about this now? They’re not stopping.

Last night I had a dream that I was taking off my clothes. A man in a truck stopped and was watching me. I had quickly covered up and said I was not doing anything until he moved. He started getting out of his truck. I quickly ran to a room and tried to lock the door. He was pulling as I was pulling and I finally got it locked. However, the door was still open about 6 inches. It was a bedroom, oddly, and I hid behind the dresser hoping he would go away. When I looked around the dresser after a while he was peering through the door space just waiting for me. Trapped! Then I woke up. This is not the only dream like this that I’ve had since last week.

In all of my dreams I am hunted by something. No matter where I go or what I do, they find me. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling.

Time to bring this up in therapy, I think!


Today I have experienced something that has rarely happened to me.

I have belonged to a bulletin board for pregnancy since I was pregnant with Ari. In that 5 years I have experienced some intensely heated debates leading to the dissolution of some friendships and the strengthening of others. I have had emotional experiences that range from the profound to the mundane. Unfortunately, I had also experienced changes within the site leading to some horrific downtimes. It was for that latter reason that I developed a backup board.

The backup board, hosted by me and the server I use was originally meant to be a place where we could all go when the other, main, board was down. What happened instead is that it became a safer place to attend for some because it was private and because it was uncensored. Thusly, those who had experienced censorship issues on the main site and hadn’t posted for a while signed up and we began hearing from them again. Then, because those people were sharing their lives again, those of us who had been more prolific writers began posting more about ourselves at the backup board. Suddenly, it was just a nice private place for us all to be and share our stories and lives without the fear of big brother and the rest of the Internet who could search and easily find us there. It became the more visited place.

I don’t go to the main site very often, but visited today to see a message from one of the administrators. It was a message about people on the Internet obtaining IM information from members and harassing them. Well, I decided to post a message about the backup board at that time saying that many of us posted there and it was very safe. Not more than an hour later, that message was gone and my account was suspended. I still existed there but could not log in and post anything on any board.

This angers me so much. I think that using censorship in that manner is nothing more than a statement of power. Obviously, they don’t want to lose their sponsors. That’s how they make money. However, there is this thing called the first amendment. I don’t like my written words disappearing…never to return. Shortly after I had made that post I wanted to respond on the autism board and couldn’t. I have valuable expertise in that arena and they are only hurting their other members by disallowing me to share my experiences and opinions there. Hey…their choice. Right?

I guess that’s why I feel so strongly about not editing anyone’s comments here. I don’t want to have that much power over other people. I think that censoring people removes the ability for them to present their true nature. I certainly don’t like anyone taking away my words. I can defend my own words without someone else taking that power away for themselves.

This just sickens me on a fundamental level.

Welcome to the Real World, Paris

You know what’s great about this post? I don’t even have to give you any links and you already know what I’m talking about.

I was seriously disappointed in the justice system the other day when I found out that Paris was released to her home for house arrest. You know what house arrest for Paris is? It’s the fucking Beverly Hills Hotel for the rest of the real world. I, for one, am truly glad that the judge ordered her back to jail and extended her stay for the duration of the full sentence. Maybe she’ll think twice next time before she does something stupid. I’m really sick of stars believing that they are above the law just because they have money to buy themselves out of almost everything.

The Wave

I am typically a nice driver in the sense that I will let people in my flow of traffic when it looks like they won’t easily get that opportunity. I have never had issues with people not giving “the wave.” I’m having a terrible run of it lately, though.

I know that there are many people who are more altruistic than me, and I commend them for that. Nevertheless, when I let someone in, I want the damn wave. I want them to acknowledge that I have saved them time and frustration in a busy world where I am typically running late. I am not required by law to do this. I do this as a courtesy…a service, so to speak. Are these the same people who would deny wait staff their due?

I don’t want to sound petty. One or two times of not getting the wave is no big deal. Not getting the wave over 10 times this week IS. I think drivers need to be a little more grateful when people take the time to recognize their difficult position and then attentively act.

Bill Maher 05-18-07

I think this was one of the best shows he ever had. I found myself laughing a lot, but really resonating with the material. I absolutely adored Russell Simmons. My God, what an amazing man. I think I’m going to include him the next time someone sends me a meme with the question, “If you could pick anyone living or dead to have lunch with, who would it be?” Anyway, you have love YouTube. I found the entirety of the program on Friday in 6 parts. So, you can see it all here. (Click Read up above to see more.) Read more

Night Terrors

So, maybe I’m not having your typical night terrors, but I am having some pretty disturbing dreams lately. I had a dream the night before last that I was pulling up in my van to talk with a woman and her young daughter. The little girl ran to the side of my van in the middle of the road and was hit by an elderly woman who tried to hit and run, but the mother stopped the lady from doing so. The lady got out of her car and looked incredibly tormented as the little girl lay at the side of the road, bloody and lifeless. I dialed 911 then woke up.


I’ve also had dreams of my first love, Chris Simmons. In fact, I’ve had a lot of dreams about him lately. It’s starting to piss me off. Because, besides the fact that I don’t think of him all that often, he’s pretty dismissive in my dreams…as if I’m stalking him and he’s rebelling. The dream I had last night also included other friends from that era. It was as if they all stayed the same and I was the only one to move on.

I’m about to go to bed now and I’m just wanting to get a good night’s sleep where I don’t have to think about this shit all day long.

An Interview

On Mark’s suggestion, after being interviewed himself, I requested an interview with Gail from Rubicon3. These are the questions she asked of me…

1. If you were completely blind but could see for one hour each week, how would you spend that hour?

I would spend that hour in the presence of my children. There are few things in life that give me more pleasure than seeing in their eyes the world around them. I think I could get a really good grasp on what I was missing by doing only that.

2. You are going to bury a time capsule which will be opened 200 years from now. What three items would you include to give people an idea of life in the early 2000’s?

1. The most current New York Times Sunday edition
2. A list of average prices (median house, car, food, etc. prices)
3. A media player loaded with the top 100 songs (the reason I would put the player in is because technology moves so fast, you never know what’s going to be playing media in 200 hundred years)

3. If you heard someone described as a “good soul,” what would you assume that meant?

Someone with internal radiance, compassion, kindness and empathy.

4. What are your three favorite books and three favorite movies?

1. Watership Down
2. The Source: A Novel
3. The Hidden Life Of Dogs

1. Like Water for Chocolate
2. Keeping the Faith
3. The Adventures of Indiana Jones – The Complete DVD Movie Collection

5. You have won an all expenses paid 4-week summer vacation to anywhere you choose – as many places as you would like to go during that time period. Describe your itinerary and what you would most like to see and do.

Well, let me first say that I hate rigid itineraries. Second, I would pick New Zealand and Australia, but since this is a summer vacation, it’s winter in those areas. So, I’d have to go with Hawaii. I’d spend the entire 4 weeks there exploring as many, if not all, the islands I could. If we’re talking money as no object, I’d stay in villas on the water. I’d adore seeing and feeling the black sand beaches and hidden coves. There’s great hiking possibilities there and definitely good swimming. I’d try to be a part of some luaus and campfires on the beach at night. It would be a combination of relaxation and adventure.