Thank you all, including those who personally emailed as well. I’ve been trying to get back to everyone personally, but it’s been a bit difficult over the last couple of days. I’ll keep working on it though.
Iâ€™ll have you know that I went to the doc yesterday and received some meds which will hopefully alleviate the severity I feel about my situation. Overwhelm is one thing, but crying every day is another. Honestly, I feel better just bringing that out into the open. Iâ€™ve pushed aside some feelings for a while and, well, thatâ€™s not a good thing. When Joe returns home at the end of the month for good, things should get better as the distribution of responsibilities will even out more.
Something I did not mention before, and the main reason I went to the doc yesterday, was that I believed my toe was broken. On the first day of Rosh Hashanah, Ari came charging at me and hit my big toe straight on and hard! It hurt quite a bit, but never seemed to get better and consistently kept getting more swollen and blue (yuck, I know). The doctor had to drill two holes in my nail to release the pressure and drain fluid for about 15 minutes. He said that I likely had a fracture which was contributing to the pain, but that the pain should be much better after the fluid was released. He was right. At least itâ€™s not throbbing anymore. But, I do get the sharp pains every once in a while. Iâ€™m assuming thatâ€™s the bone on the mend. I am instructed to keep it away from trauma (helloâ€¦big dogs and a toddler) and tight shoes until it feels normal again. But if you want to talk dedication over the high holy days, I squeezed that broken & hemorrhaged toe into a pair of heels to go to services and Tashlich that first evening. Tashlich was about a mile/mile and a half total. Of course, I had no idea how serious it was at that time, but it hurt like hell.
For those of you who doubt that anything is wrong with Ari, other than a speech delay, I hope you’re right. Our thought right now is that even though he may not have clinical autism, he does show several signs, so it doesn’t hurt to put some techniques into play for specific issues…like communication.
Ari sees me tired (nothing new there), but he doesn’t see me terribly worried with regard to him. All he sees right now is me coming closer to the ground and holding things next to my mouth so he can see how I say them. It’s a start. He thinks that funny, actually, as if to say, â€œSilly Mommy. Iâ€™ll talk when Iâ€™m ready, not when youâ€™re ready.â€ He goes to the doc today for his two year checkup and we’ll move forward from that. A good friend of ours is a child psychiatrist who gave us some really great resources, while adding that she did not believe Ari was classically autistic, but that he did have a speech delay which was worth assessing.. Other good friends of ours have a child who is autistic and knows the best places in town to get the help we need, should that be his diagnosis. We have a tremendous support system in place.
We are so unbelievably grateful to every one of you for your friendship, understanding, empathy and infinite wisdom brought forward with regard to your own lives. Thank you so much!