Difficult Life Decisions

It’s been an interesting few weeks. I don’t know how to put all of my emotions down here without going into elaborate detail, but you are welcomed to ask me any questions about what I’m about to share.

Being a mom: I used to have very professional goals for myself. I still had them after having Ari and worked my ass off to finally graduate undergrad after 15+ years. I had them after Joshie too and felt really good to be going to grad school. And then one day I was coloring with the boys and began to cry. I wanted more of that. I felt, and do feel right now, incredibly distracted with my life as a student. I’m burnt out and I have changed to the extent that I just want to be a mom for a while. That alone spreads me pretty think because a lot of daily stuff falls to me. But at least that would be my only “job.” So, we’re going to try it. I have put in a leave of absence for grad school which is extended to me for a whole year. If the mommy thing is not working out, I can always go back.  Read more

The Breaking Point

I have to tell you, I’m becoming very stressed out about some of the interactions I’m having with people recently. I’m no stranger to debate, but it has become very uncomfortable for me lately. I find myself being a bit bothered by the viewpoints of some people for whom I care a great deal. By no means is it their fault. I’m simply growing tired of things that use more energy than I have, taking that energy from the things I love. I’m bothered by a lot of things that used to give me pleasure, like blogging here and The Boerboel Blog.

I put a post up on the Boerboel Blog that I’m closing it down. I had a contest for Halloween and ever since it ended there has been controversy, hearsay, and a lot of time and energy being a mediator for something that used to be so much fun. I swore that I would not make another post until the issue was resolved. It resolved the day I put that notice up. Nearly 5 months of resolving issues! I can’t afford that kind of time.

I’ve been spending more time with my kids doing puzzles, coloring, playing games and I’m finding I like that so much better. I wish that were my only job…MOM. I also wish I could devote a bit more time to The Hot Zone with Joe, but I’m so worn down by everything. I take care of the kids (transportation alone is 2 hours/day), the dogs, the house, my grad school almost single-handedly.

I try to keep up with everyone and I like having personal interactions with them, but anyone online who is talking about the taboo topics just turns my stomach to knots. I can handle my own and I do, but I’m not diggin’ it, if that makes any sense? Furthermore, I’m looking to have more things in life that I’m diggin’, because there aren’t many right now.

No, I’m not depressed. I have just finally reached my limit. I guess it’s boundary drawing time.

I’m sure you’re wondering about this…yes, I have thought of closing this place down as well. I don’t know if I will do that yet, but I am starting to cut some things loose. I have to for my own sanity.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Well, I can’t just leave it all up to 12 Tequila’s, can I?

It occurred to me today that iLike on Facebook will only show the songs you’ve listened to if they have a track for it. Kind of like iTunes will only show songs they sell. So, since my new playlist extended into “the weird things they don’t have tracks for,” I thought I’d post the playlist here.

I went through the whole library and these are the songs that called to me…

*Current Faves on my iPod

THE SHIFT

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about this movie. I think it’s so powerful and I can see the increase of people wanting to make a difference. But when I thought about it, I could see those moving toward the other side as well. The people who are involved in THE SHIFT used to be a minority of people called “Tree Huggers.” It seems to me that what happened is that those who had even a grain of that feeling in them (including myself) are moving toward THE SHIFT, but those who didn’t are moving away. It reminds me of Newton’s Third Law of Motion, which simply states, “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” It was tangible in the most recent election. We just need to make sure that the momentum of THE SHIFT adheres to Newton’s First Law of Motion while not allowing any external forces the capacity to destroy. I think we have a better shot now more than ever.