The following is in response to Michele’s post. Please go read that then come back here and continue on to the extended entry.
I agree that this is disturbing. I blogged about this little gem when it happened a while back.
I'm sure lots of people are thinking, "How has this become acceptable?" Well, there are lots of reasons. A concept that came up during the porn discussion here was that the more something becomes mainstream, the more new, different and wild things come on the scene. Regular sex, kissing, holding hands could have become too boring to teens and they needed that next step. But, I think it’s much more foundational than that.
Adults are teachers to children whether they want to be or not. Kids don't just pull this behavior out of their ass...they see it somewhere and mimic it.
Teaching children emotional responsibility is important. But you've got to have it to teach it. It's not like chemistry, where you can easily go to a book for advice. If parents and other adults who are around these children don't have emotional integrity, there are going to be problems with the children having emotional integrity.
One thing I think it's important to focus on, is that this is occurring within more middle to upper class suburban areas (primarily white too, as the article states). It's interesting that more monetary resources do not equal a better childhood. We actually found this out the hard way.
When we moved to this town we could only afford a tiny little one bedroom house. A few years later, we sold that to upgrade to a house that was triple the value in a much "better" area. There was a great set of kids around our old neighborhood. They were polite, kind and always, always asked if they could do something on our property, or even to see our dogs. Once in the new, "better" neighborhood, we found the kids to be rude, and disrespectful to the point of being illegal (we had a huge issue with one neighbor kid looking in all of our windows). They are loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, and impolite and we can't wait to move now in less than a year. These, my friends, are the kids who are going to be lining up for blowjobs in the bathroom in a few years.
There is a difference between thinking and feeling. These kids aren’t making that connection. It seems like they “think” this is alright, but they are detaching the “feeling” that comes along with sex. Again, they are not pulling this from their ass.
My mother taught me that sex was a beautiful experience that should be shared with someone for whom you have feelings. The trend in sex education is more toward abstinence, or at the very least, protection. When did we stop teaching kids about making love as opposed to having sex or fucking? They all have a place in society, but making love has taken the back seat and the car is becoming more of a stretched limo as time goes on.
There are many cases too, where these kids are equating sex with love. What they are lacking at home, they are finding in sex. What I mean is, there are those that don't get the 'wanted' feeling, the love, the attention at home and look for and think they get those things from sex.
Posted by: Kim at June 10, 2004 06:15 AMI completely agree. There's certainly more than one way to not get what you need from your parents, but that's the common denominator.
Posted by: Linda at June 10, 2004 07:03 AMOprah (don't even begin to laugh at me because I sometimes watch Oprah! *wink* ) had a show about this and had a bunch of teen girls and guys on to discuss it. She talked to the girls first and got their views then talked to the guys. The guys out right admitted they couldn't care less about the girls they just wanted a BJ. The boys said all this nasty stuff about the girls who do it, calling them ho's and such. Then Oprah turned around and showed the girls the tape of the guys. Wooo to say those girls were shocked would be an understatement. They honeslty thought those boys cared about them.
The girls get nothing in return. The guys don't even kiss them or give oral back. It's very sad and disturbing because it's like women are getting pushed down again to be nothing more than a pleasure tool for men. Ugh!
Posted by: Andie at June 10, 2004 02:07 PMI have to say this -- at the risk of being berated -- but I personally feel when Clinton said the infamous words, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," he basically told today's youth that blowjobs were okay, that you don't have feelings or you don't need to have feelings for anyone you have oral sex with and it's okay to shrug sex off. The man is as morally bankrupt as today's youth is. There is a lovely saying in politics that I love: Fish rot from the head down. It's starts at the top, people, and (no pun intended) goes down from there.
Posted by: Lilly at June 10, 2004 02:17 PMLilly, I'm not going to berate you, but I have to state that I'm a fan of Bill Clinton. Like and dislikes aside, though, I find it hard to believe that the 8th and 9th graders of today would be that profoundly affected by ANY political figure...especially one that left the public spotlight nearly 4 years ago, when they were in 4th and 5th grade. Still, I have said that every adult is a teacher, so it is possible that some picked up their sense of morality from Bill. However, it's more likely that the issues began at home.
Posted by: Linda at June 11, 2004 08:23 AMLinda, the statement has been floating around since he made it and in many different forms. Kids will hear it, will pick up on it, and will emulate it whether or not they heard it from Bill himself or other adults. Kids do what adults do; moreso in this generation sexually speaking. I'm not sure why that would be but I can only figure it has a lot to do with Bill Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations..." referring to a blowjob. Statements like that are designed to negate the very importance of having sex with someone to the point of it being meaningless in all types of liasions. They not only errode marriages but sexual experiences between two consenting people. Clinton basically erased years of sex ed teachings about sex is imporant, should be taken seriously and should be treated as such the second he said those words in my mind.
Now, on the flip side of this, I was the one who stated publicly on my blog years after the affair and scandal that I wished someone would tell Monica that she doesn't have to be apologising for the rest of her life to us for blowing Clinton. There were two people in that affair, and it's unfair for only one of them to feel so much guilt as to ass kiss America for the rest of her life for something he doesn't even acknowlege. He's never stated he was sorry for the affair or getting the blowjob under the desk or using a stoggey to penetrate her. Publicly speaking, he washed his hands of her and the whole affair the day he left office with high ratings in the polls.
Having said all of that, let me say this about Clinton: He is brilliant. Book brilliant. No one knows the US terrain, states, history and law better than he does. He borders on being a savant. But, he is still a man who chose politics for a career, and politics is an ugly game and people get hurt. Perhaps it was the kids unknowingly that got caught in his crosshairs this time.
Posted by: Lilly at June 11, 2004 09:28 AM