I’ve been watching a new show on HBO called, Tell Me You Love Me. In short, it’s a show about couples in relationship who have the common link of the same female therapist. Therefore, it’s not only about relationships but working relationships out in therapy.
In this show I have found one couple to be very interesting…Katie & David. They have been married forever, have wonderful kids, a nice house & generally a nice life. That is, they have everything but intimacy. Katie reveals in therapy that they haven’t had sex in a year, and only then it was because it was their anniversary. Somewhat expectedly, their anniversary comes and goes this year with no sex.
At one point in the last few episodes, the therapist recommends to Kate that she needs to find her sexuality. I don’t remember the therapist recommending masturbation, but she decides to try it out. She’s at home alone, locks the doors and looks around as if someone is watching. She lays down on the bed and gives touching a try. She appears frustrated and walks into the bathroom. Again, locking the door, she leans up against the sink and begins putting her hands down her pants. She’s starting to get into it more and I find myself thinking, “That’s awesome. This is just what she needs.” Then, she stops and walks away from it altogether.
I know that there are women like that out there, but I just don’t understand them. I don’t know if it’s that they never masturbated and don’t know how to explore their bodies and please themselves or if it’s that they’ve been without touch for so long that they simply feel that pleasure is something so elusive that they don’t even try. I felt myself wanting to say to her, “Kate…do this. Be the sexual being you know you want to be…can be. If for no other reason, do this to relieve some unnecessary stress you’ve put on yourself. Do this and you will want Dave more.”
I was thinking about this today and thought about my first masturbatory experience. I remember this like it was yesterday, when it was really 23 years ago (for those of you who know my age, you can do the math). I began touching myself around that time and kept thinking, “Why do women do this? I’m not getting anything out of this. Sure, it feels nice to have any kind of touch, but what is the big deal.” Then I had my first orgasm. My thoughts instantly turned to, “Whoa…I sooooo get this!” The point is, I didn’t understand the first several times I touched myself. So, in my thoughts today, I wondered if that is the same problem with Kate. I wonder if she just hasn’t experienced pleasure in a way that would make her understand how important it is to her alone, let alone her marriage.
Then I thought about something really odd. How many women out there actually masturbate? Do they do this on a regular basis? Do they no longer do it because they’re in relationship and feel that should be satisfied by coupling? Was I one of the few women out there who understand how good it is to know your body so well that you can explain it to other people?