Pruning

I’m no gardener. I’ve known this about myself for a long time. I don’t attempt to decorate my house with thriving bunches of foliage. I know they will die a horrible death. My nurturing energies are directed toward my family, pets and friends. In that regard, I’ve got a gorgeous “bouquet” to show you.

We all do a little pruning. We decide what is valuable and what is not in our lives. Mementos, jobs, people – you name it, and at some point we have to decide if it’s worth keeping. I prune. I’d like to think that the things I cut away are for my own good, but that’s only my opinion. I’m sure there are several old boyfriends and girlfriends who would think differently :). I have a hard time keeping girlfriends. It’s not that I don’t like them; I just don’t have the ability to interact well with them. I don’t think I’m sophisticated enough to play the games. There are so many subtle nuances that just zip over my head and I end up confused and left behind. Men. I get it. They say something and that’s exactly what they mean. There’s no double-speak. They rarely hold grudges. Women carry grudges forever. I think it’s because we feel like we have to hold everything inside. I’m not so great at that either. I have grudges, but I have to speak up if I have a beef.

I’ve got a beef. Recently, Linda wrote about her alienating experience with a bulletin board. What some of you might not know is that Linda and I met there. I am blessed to have met a like-minded woman on the internet. It was a place where we could connect to discuss the ups and downs of pregnancy, infancy and toddler stages. It was also so much more than that. We got to know each other, all of us, and bond. We shared our deepest passions, sorrows, fears, joys, triumphs – everything. It was like catching up to an armful of sisters, and it brought me much joy. Well….. we are women. Eventually, there were misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Some members pulled away. Our “bouquet” felt the pinch of each loss and we just haven’t thrived since. Those who remain still maintain strong friendships. For that I am truly grateful. Unfortunately, our little family has suffered some serious blows recently. Admin at this site severely affected our ability to communicate. It’s no longer up to us, the members of this bulletin board, to decide the direction in which we will grow. It saddens me. It angers me. It confuses me. That’s women for you. Heavy pruning.

I have asked Linda to understand that she did not cause this. She is not the blight that caused our bulletin board family to decline. She is not a blight at all. It seems trite to say “their loss is our gain” or “they don’t know what they are missing,” but it’s true. And it stinks to be ripped apart from something you love.

5 thoughts on “Pruning

  1. I can’t imagine anyone summing up this situation any better than you have done just now. I appreciate this so much, in addition to the talk earlier. As I mentioned to you, I’m having a hard time with this…and I think I will for a while until the dust settles…again.

  2. I just wanted to add… There are people in life that find a way into your heart. You wonderful women know you are. 🙂

  3. A friend told me once, some people, or situations, won’t matter 5 years from now. The older I get, the more I realize how true that is and remember this saying when I come across similar issues such as the one you have written about here. I have “pruned” quite a few people from my life the past few years and couldn’t be happier. Main thing is never to compromise yourself, your beliefs…hold your head up high and with dignity!

  4. Laura — what if you have integrity and dignity but you are the one pruned away? I agree in self-preservation, too, but when you can’t defend your self, your worth, is when it stinks, you know?

  5. Yes, Native Texan, I actually do know what it’s like to be the one to have integrity and dignity but get pruned away. It’s the loss of the person(s) who have done so and I’m sure one day I will be vindicated. In the end, it is their loss.

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